Thursday, 29 March 2012

More Tedious Pasty Related Guff

I'm watching the BBC news. David 'weak chin' Cameron is disingenuously trying to justify this controversial 'pasty tax' by explaining how unfair it is that your average fish and chip shop must pay VAT on sales whilst the supermarket giants don't pay any on hot chicken from the rotisserie.

He's a regular, modern day Robin Hood alright, or at least he would be if VAT actually worked the way it seems to in his imagination.

Companies don't really 'pay' VAT on sales, Dave. They apply VAT to their sales and CHARGE it to us, the end users. We're the suckers who actually PAY it.

I'm not sure whether politicians think we're all gullible fools or whether they don't actually know what they're talking about a lot of the time (maybe a bit of both) but it concerns me that no one 'in power' seems to have thought through the implications of this strategy beforehand.

The application of VAT is to be determined by the temperature of the food being served and the ambient temperature at the time the food is served. Imagine the farcical situation of food sellers running outside to check the ambient temperature every ten minutes before determining their prices (no pressure for businesses there, Dave).

(Pic shamelessly plagiarised from today's Daily Mail.
I daresay I'll have to take it down soon so enjoy it while you can)

If I disagree with the way a company is being managed I can sell my shares. If I disagree with the way the country is being managed, it's just TOUGH.

We need a way to get rid of these politicians quickly when they're as hopeless & weak as Cameron (I'm not suggesting we shoot them by the way, tempting as that sounds).

Four years is too long. They can ruin the country in that amount of time and we have no method of recourse afterwards.

If we can't prosecute them for their wasteful decisions, we should at least implement an interim appraisal at the half way point. It needn't be too costly. We can just put an extra pressy button on our TV remotes and if enough people vote 'nay', they can be thrown into a giant mincer and made into a big pasty. It would be sold whilst hot to harvest a little more VAT of course. I'd happily hand over £1.60 of my own hard earned dosh for a piece of that pasty. Every little helps, right Dave?

Tuesday, 6 March 2012

The Benefits of Professional Body Membership

Our story begins way back in yore (2008). Those were heady days. It was a time when people actually spoke to one another, with real words FROM THEIR ACTUAL MOUTHS.  Yet one brave visionary (me) saw a future where the art of speaking would become redundant, and instead, would be replaced with type via strange forums such as Twitter. 

This is the story of that courageous girl's fearless fight to haul her stuffy professional body into the brave new world of communication using technology... 

Me: Hello professional body, to whom I pay gazillions of £ to be a member. I notice we don't have a LinkedIn group. Are you going to start one? 

PB: Nah 

Me: I think it's important. Social Networking is likely to be the main way people communicate in a few years time. 

PB: Nah 

Me: Even though you're a reasonably big organisation and I'm just a maggot under your shoe who you fleece for my hard earned cash, I'd still be happy to set it up for the benefit of all members 

PB: Nah 

Me: *sets up LinkedIn group anyway* 
      *nurtures it for 4 years* 
      *watches it grow to quite a size, all the while contacting PB regularly to ask if anyone wants to participate* 
      *eventually stops asking after becoming utterly jaded by the consistent 'Nah' response* 
      *receives message (via LinkedIn - Oh, the irony!) from a random consultant* 

Consultant: Hello. I'm being paid squillions of £ from the subs YOU PAY to your Professional Body. They want me to develop a social networking strategy for them so I thought I'd ask for your input as you've clearly already set it all up. 

Me: *bemused face* Well, ok, I'd be happy to work with you if it means we can improve the group for everyone. 

£C: Super! I'll be in touch again soon 

Me: *never hears from consultant again* 

Six months later... 

PB: Hello, we've decided that we need a LinkedIn Group. We can see you've done sterling work setting up a group already so we'll just take that one. Here are some instructions in case you don't know how to appoint another group administrator (that bit was particularly galling). Just make us an administrator and we'll remove you and take things from there. 

Me: *bristling* Thanks but I think I'll hang on to the administrator rights myself now to be honest. I'm happy to work with you though. I'll make you all group members so you can have lots of input in the forums too. I'm sure we can achieve more benefit for everyone if we all work together and share information 

PB: No way! Give us your group or we'll stop you using our logo, the logo that YOU pay squillions of £ each year to use so that you can demonstrate your membership of this farce of a professional body 

Me: *blows up the internet* *shoots self* 

There you go folks, the benefits of joining my 'professional' body.