Saturday, 30 March 2013


Today is a special day. 

On this day, ten years ago, something happened which is still, to this day, probably the most important event in my life. It's a private matter, it's very personal and I don't want to blog about the detail but I wanted to put something on here to mark the day as it's so important to me. 

Apologies for behaving so cryptically on a blog which I leave open for public viewing. I'm very aware how hypocritical it all seems.

I don't really want to make too much of a fuss about it but nevertheless, the people closest to me know how important this day is for me and I woke up to cards, gifts and good wishes a'plenty, for which I am very grateful. 

Thank you. I know you are reading this and I know that you know how important you are to me.

I'll be spending this weekend with a small group of amazing people whom I love very much, who know me inside and out, through good times and bad, and who love me unconditionally in spite of/because of it all. I'm very fortunate to have those people in my life.  

My only regret is that Mark isn't here to share this day with me. Tonight we're having dinner at the same restaurant we went to after Mark and I were married last June.  He'll be an enormous loss at that dinner table tonight but nevertheless, it will be an evening filled with love, laughter, gratitude and memories. Oh, and lots of scrummy food :)

Sunday, 24 March 2013

Happy Birthday!

William and Maisie are two years old today. Jason Bourne was two last week (14th March). Look how much they've grown!

At three weeks old. 
Tiny, very cute, two of them still being bottle fed...

At two years old. 
Lazy, greedy, wallpaper shredders who are so spoiled that they even have their own pew in the kitchen...

These little dudes, along with our old cat, Millie, have kept me going over the last five months or so. When Mark first died, I felt so low that I could easily have just given up and stayed in bed forever but no matter what else is going on in the world, these greedy guzzlers start hurling themselves at the bedroom door at 6.30am each day and it's actually quite hard to wallow in bed while four hefty cats are trying to batter down the door. It's much easier to drag myself downstairs to feed them and then, once I'm up and moving around, life doesn't feel quite as grim and I'm able to continue on through the day. 

I know everyone moans about the amount of cat pictures on the internet and I know they're not everyone's cup of tea but I'm really grateful for them, even though they're a bunch of lazy, unappreciative little wasters! 

Tuesday, 5 March 2013

Just For Today

Many years ago, someone who I barely knew at the time but who was later to become very important to me, handed me a card. It was quite a small card with only nine brief paragraphs written inside but for all kinds of reasons, it quickly became truly precious to me.


Just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appal me if I felt I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Just for today I will be happy. Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my luck as it comes, and fit myself to it.

Just for today I will strengthen my mind. I
 will study, I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer.
I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.

Just for today I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do someone a good turn, and NOT get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. 
I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise.
I will not show anyone my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.

Just for today I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low, act courteously, criticise not one bit, not find fault with anything and not try to improve or regulate anybody except myself.

Just for today I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.

Just for today I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try and get a better perspective of my life.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

I was going through a tricky phase back then and this card was a useful way of focusing my mind/chanelling my thoughts in a more positive direction. I remember how I would read it every morning and I'd choose one of the paragraphs as my 'action' for each particular day, trying so hard to maintain the suggestion throughout the day and usually failing miserably. I seem to recall that I often had a great deal of trouble with paragraph six, usually finding it quite problematic to be agreeable, to talk low, criticise not one bit or find fault with anything. I was such a selfish, self centred little moaner in those days!

I'm sorting out some old files this morning and I just stumbled across the card again. I would probably benefit from following the suggestions again so I've decided to reprint the card here, as a reminder for myself, because my office is such a tip that I'm sure to lose the original card again. 

Today I'm choosing paragraph one as my focus. As I sit here, staring at the giant pile of mess that is my backlog of work, I'm trying to convince myself that "I can do something for twelve hours that would appal me if I felt I had to do it for a lifetime". 

It's just a case of mind over matter, right...?